The search for the coolest guy alive would seem to be a daunting task. Indeed, it was exactly that until we found him. Dedicating countless hours and using the most advanced tracking system on earth, the quest was almost implausible. After our scientists and researchers finally tracked him down, however, the answer was more than obvious.

Take it from me, The Most Interesting Man in the World, the researchers got it right. All this time, I was just a pansy trying to make it in his world. The epitome of cool and the king of smooth, David Proffitt is the coolest guy alive.


The search for the coolest guy alive began as the brainchild of Icon Industries, an advanced technology research center known for bringing you tomorrow's ideas today. Project Cool, as it was called, soon engulfed every credible researcher on the planet and almost bankrupt Icon Industries.

Using the latest in tracking technology, developed by combining global positioning systems with verified DNA models of the "cool" genome, Icon Industries discovered an abnormally high reading in the North-Central United States. Several researchers and scientists have been nominated for the upcoming Nobel Prizes in Physics, Chemistry, and Medicine.


I didn't know what a badass was until I met David Proffitt. He is the inspiration behind several of my songs, including Superbeast. It rocks to know that the coolest guy alive is my number one fan. Peace out.
- Rob Zombie

I've known David for years. Back then it never dawned on me that the coolest guy alive would grow up in such a small town. Truth is, the most amazing things come from modest beginnings... and he made that cool.
- Matt Hashenberger

Coolest Guy Alive